#62 - How Over-Giving Damages Intimacy (Women’s Episode)
This first episode of the month is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. We'll talk about over-giving and how it can damage intimacy in relationships between women and men. Vicki gives us 5 ways ways over-giving can damage intimacy. Tune in! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #62: Men and women are totally different animals, so to speak, so it's unhelpful to assume they see the world the same way. Almost 70% of women initiate divorce in heterosexual relationships. Women have a habit of over-giving, and that can cause resentments. Over-giving can cause a woman to feel like her partner's mother, which is definitely intimacy-destroying, especially in the bedroom. If you feel resentment about helping or giving, then don't do it. Listen for a direct, explicit question asking for help from your partner, rather than jumping in to assist. Highlights from Episode #62: Welcome back to the show! Today’s episode is dedicated to women and boundaries — specifically how over-giving sabotages intimacy in relationships with men. [01:14] Vicki clarifies she's speaking primarily about heterosexual relationships but gay and lesbian relationships may be impacted in similar ways, depending on the masculine/feminine polarity in their relationship. [01:30] In the simplest terms, boundaries are about staying on your side of the street. [01:52] Have you ever gone further than you intended to go when helping someone? [02:29] In relationships women tend to want to be heard [04:31] There is a clear gender difference in terms of who initiates couples therapy and even divorce. [06:35] A 2009 - 2015 study showed that almost 70% of women in heterosexual relationships initiated divorce. [07:15] When women give advice to a man, it can damage intimacy. [09:04] A man will tend to look for ways to be a hero to the woman he loves. [09:46] Women have a habit of over-giving, and when they do they wind up with resentments. [14:24] If a man feels like he can never please you or get it right, he may withdraw or put up walls. [16:23] When your husband perceives you as a mother, that can definitely cause intimacy issues. [18:44] Vicki says instead of over-giving you can pay attention to your self care, and don’t give or help unless you can do so without a cost to you. [20:43] Notice your thoughts when you are tempted to give or help — if you feel resentful you probably should decline giving help. [21:59] Look for a direct or explicit question to determine if your male partner truly wants your help. [25:24] Go back and listen to episodes 34 and 45 about over giving if you would like more information on this topic. [26:59] Links and Resources: Vicki Tidwell Palmer Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray Cajun Navy Episode 34 - Women, Choose Self-Care Over Self-Sacrifice Episode 45 - 5 Signs You May Be Over Giving