Adoption with psychotherapist and adoption specialist Alison Roy
I get a lot of problems about adoption, usually, but not always, from the adopters who are struggling but are mired in shame that they cannot cope. Once someone has been through the process of adoption it can be very hard for them to admit they are finding it tough. But in this podcast we also hear from an adoptee, because that's the other side that I hear from (and often a voice which is missing when adoption is discussed). When adoptees write to me, they often talk of constantly looking for something, as if something is missing, or they feel 'unlovable', no matter how much they are in fact loved. In turn they feel they can't talk about this for fear of upsetting their adoptive parents. And there's a narrative that adoptees are 'lucky' and 'chosen' which makes voicing any negative feelings very hard.
In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and adoption specialist Alison Roy who once said that parents who adopt children often have a 'three course meal of love prepared for the child, but the child can only handle a teaspoon at a time'. This phrase really resonated with my readers.
Alison's book is called A is for Adoption and it's a highly recommended read. She also recommends some other resources:
Books:
https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2015/oct/22/top-10-books-about-adoption-chosen-by-adopted-children
Alison’s book A is For Adoption:
https://www.routledge.com/A-for-Adoption-An-Exploration-of-the-Adoption-Experience-for-Families-and/Roy/p/book/9780367439477
It Didn't Start With You - Mark Wolynn
The Primal Wound - Nancy Verrier
Why love matters by Sue Gerhardt
The Red Dust Road by Jackie Kay
Parenting Matters: Parenting a child with difficulties in learning caused by trauma
Respark by Dr Graham Music
The secret garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
How are you peeling by Saxton Freymann
Why be happy when you could be normal by Jeanette Winterson
Children and young people
feeling different - bullying: https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/54964969
Books about adoption for children/older children
The Unmapped Chronicles and Sky Song - Abi Elphinstone
Dragon Rider - Cornelia Funke
The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson-Burnett
The Northern Light Trilogy - Philip Pullman
The Polar Bear Explorer’s Club - Alex Bell
Websites and useful articles
How to win an argument with a teenager https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/07/how-to-win-an-argument-with-a-teenager
Coram BAAF https://corambaaf.org.uk
Adopt UK https://www.adoptionuk.org
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