643: How to Shift Away From Over-Functioning, Hyper-Independent to More Peace In Life and Relationships with Terri Cole
When we hear the word “codependent,” we often picture someone clinging to toxic relationships or constantly rescuing others. But the brilliant psychotherapist and boundary expert Terri Cole challenges this idea, revealing how capable, competent, and successful people can struggle with codependent patterns too, just hidden under the mask of over-functioning and over-investing in people’s lives. Doing it all? That’s the problem. In this episode, Terri shares how our deep desire for peace and control can drive us to do too much for others—emotionally, mentally, and physically— even at the cost of our own well-being. This conversation is a loving nudge to pause and ask: “What am I doing for others that they could be doing for themselves?” We explore how stepping out of this “handle-it-all” mindset isn’t just freeing—it’s life-changing. Tune in to this episode to learn to overcome high-functioning codependence and find ease, joy, fun, balance, and healthier relationships in your life! Terri Cole Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global relationship and empowerment expert. She’s the author of the books Boundary Boss and Too Much. For over 20 years, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients– from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs. She makes complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so the people she works with can achieve sustainable change. IN THIS EPISODE Understanding the term “high-functioning codependency” Physical manifestations of being a high-functioning codependent Helpful ways to set and maintain boundaries with others Addressing resentment in a relationship Why burnout is common among high-functioning codependents Letting go of intervening to “help” others & focusing on yourself QUOTES “You see it as well, that high functioning codependence. We give too many F’s for too long about all the things and all the people… and perfectionism and making sure everything gets done.” “There are ways we can help children and people we love find their own answers without therapizing them. But giving them our answers is not loving. It’s treating people as projects.” “When you spend decades of your life checking boxes that someone else constructed, you end up with this existential crisis of loneliness– like, ‘wow, people do not know ME’.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Get The HFC Toolkit: Simplify & Do Less video lesson with integrative exercises & meditations Terri’s Website Order Terri’s Book Too Much HERE High-quality olive oil: go to www.getfreshenergized.com to get your free $39 bottle for just $1 shipping. Skin longevity made simple: Head to oneskin.co/ENERGIZED and use code ENERGIZED. Terri’s Socials: Instagram Facebook YouTube Podcast RELATED EPISODES #569: How to Build a Strong Emotional Connection with Your Partner and How to Transform Your Love Life with Vanessa and Xander Marin #629: Unlocking Emotional Resilience with Awareness, Lifestyle and Tools to Regulate Your Stress Triggers with Dr. Drew Ramsey #170: Saying NO to People Pleasing and Establishing Effective Boundaries with Amy Smith