Why High Performers Struggle with Love—and How to Fix It with Adam Lane Smith

In this profound conversation, Dr. Anthony Balduzzi welcomes attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith to unpack how our early childhood experiences wire our nervous systems—and how that wiring can shape everything from our health to our marriages. Adam explains the science and psychology of attachment theory, revealing why so many high-achieving parents silently suffer from emotional disconnection, loneliness, and self-sabotaging health behaviors.Listeners will learn about the three main insecure attachment styles—avoidant, anxious, and mixed—and how they show up in relationships, parenting, and health choices. Adam provides a visceral, relatable description of how these patterns develop, the havoc they can wreak, and how they can be completely healed through conscious effort, safe relationships, and nervous system regulation.But this episode isn’t just theoretical. Dr. Balduzzi and Adam dive deep into the practical side: how men can build secure attachment through small, consistent steps, how fitness plays a critical role in rewiring the brain for connection, and how parents can start creating transformational moments with their kids—without needing to be perfect.This episode will resonate with anyone who’s ever felt disconnected despite doing everything “right.” It’s a wake-up call for high performers, a roadmap for parents, and a love letter to those willing to do the inner work. Don’t miss the insights that could quite literally transform your relationships—and your life.Key Takeaways:Early trauma wires nervous system dysfunctionAvoidant = survival mode, overwork, disconnectedAnxious = approval seeking, learned helplessnessSecure = calm, connected, honest communicationAttachment issues crush hormone balanceMost divorces = anxious woman + avoidant manHigh performers often hide deep lonelinessNervous system dysregulation blocks oxytocinHealing begins with awareness and self-reflectionFixing attachment transforms your physiologyParents must become self-correcting, not perfectFitness supports nervous system healingKids model what they see, not what you sayTransparency + feedback = secure relationshipsYour health habits are also love habitsLearn More about Adam Lane Smith:Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbggX: https://x.com/adamlanesmithTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro?lang=enFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/Podcast: I Wish You Knew Podcast  https://iwishyouknew.show/Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadamBiographical Information on Adam Lane Smith:Adam Lane Smith, MA Psych, is recognized globally for his groundbreaking work in applied attachment psychology. Over the past 15 years, he has guided more than 1,600 private clients  (including top executives, Hollywood A-listers, and management professionals) towards building resilient and effective relationships, both at...

Om Podcasten

If you’re a busy guy in your 40’s, 50’s and 60’s, chances are you have heard that you can no longer reap the benefits of the days of your youth. Society has told you that it’s not possible for you to stay lean, stay fit, and have the exuberance and energy you once felt and had as a young man. These constant messages are telling us that it's ok to not be our best selves. We don’t have to try or stay hungry as we once did when we were young. We no longer have anything to prove to ourselves. These messages are also contributing to a larger problem we are not addressing. Obesity. In the U.S., today, nearly 50% of all men over 40 are obesity. Being overweight and out of shape is the number one contributor to early death. And today more men are passing away at younger ages than ever before. Cancer diagnoses in men are escalating. Men are being put on prescription meds for blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease at younger ages. And more families are losing fathers and husbands by the day. Obesity is the enemy, the one that sits on the top of the hill peering down at us from afar. We have allowed for far too long to let ourselves lose. To take the hill is no easy task. There are no quick fixes. There are no hacks or shortcuts to winning this battle to a better and more healthy life. The only way to win is to work. Every day, little by little. And with the right methods, tools, and strategies, together we can help you stand tall against the enemy of obesity and mediocrity and take back your life. Hi, I’m Dr. Anthony Balduzzi, CEO of The Fit Father Project and Host of this show, the Fit Father Project Podcast. For the last 10 years, my team and I have perfected a health and weight loss system designed exclusively For Men Over 40. 40,000 men in over 100 countries have come through Fit Father Project ready to take on their own hill and conquer their enemies. And now it’s time we help you with yours. On this podcast, we’re going to cover tactics and strategies to help you wage war against your enemy such as - How to increase your testosterone to build age-defying muscle - How to make healthy eating simple and sustainable. - How to become the best version of yourself. My commitment to you is to set you up for success. Truth be told, there will be times your mind will tell you to take it easy, to go back to unhealthy habits. There will be times that the daily stresses of life will make you feel like the only way to deal with it is to eat your favorite junk food meal. There will be times you will feel satisfied with where you are and give up because you’re content. But together on this podcast, we will stay the course and conquer the hill. To get the latest episodes of the Fit Father Project Podcast, follow us on Apple, Spotify, and or wherever you get your podcast and turn your notifications on so you know when a new episode drops. Stay Strong. Stay Vigilant. And Take the Hill.