The psychology of control - why your brain overcomplicates everything

We all know smart people make dumb decisions. But why? Why do gamblers double down when they should walk away? Why do we check our phones 58 times a day? Why do people micromanage their partners and get confused when they become distant? We are all suckers for the illusion of control. We are convinced that our meddling is needed to achieve our desired outcome. Sadly this misses the important fact that we are causing all our problems. The episode covers all sorts of personal problems from addictions to relationships, investing to anger and how control is at the heart of our problems. Whether you are high on neuroticism or curious about how the mind works we have a tonne of good stuff: Recognize your "control triggers" – situations where your grip tightens and makes things worse Practice intentional surrendering in low-stakes situations to build your letting-go muscles Replace control with curiosity by asking "What happens if I don't try to fix this?" Learn to stop wrestling with life and start dancing with it. Upgrade to Premium: 🏖️ Ad-free listening 🤘 Support the show 🔓 Exclusive AMAs and bonus content 💬 Community Discord GrowthMindset.Supercast.com Related Episodes 5 Science-backed ways to stop disappointing yourself - Spotify - Apple The Psychology of Mistakes - 7 types of lazy thinking - Spotify - Apple 4 Hidden fears that sabotage your life - and what to do about them - Spotify - Apple Get in Touch 👋 Free Call - Schedule Link - https://cal.com/samwebster/mindset 📧 Email - GrowthMindsetPodcast (@) gmail,com Growth Mindset Psychology: Sam Webster explores the psychology of happiness, satisfaction, purpose, and growth through the lens of self-improvement. 📺 Watch - YouTube (Growth Mindset) 🛜 Website - Growth Mindset Show: Growth Mindset, psychology of self-improvement Episode: The psychology of control - why your brain overcomplicates everything Chapters: 00:00 Introduction: Why Smart People Make Dumb Decisions 00:30 The Science of Control 02:00 Personal Story: The Quad Bike Incident 05:51 The Illusion of Control 07:02 Addiction and Control 09:03 Reactance Theory: Why We Rebel 10:14 Attachment Styles and Control in Relationships 12:32 Paradoxical Intentions: Embracing the Opposite 15:30 Understanding and Managing Anger 18:43 Quieting the Default Mode Network 20:18 The Joy of Surrender 21:09 Show Updates: Embracing Change 22:58 The New Show Concept: The Psychology of Everything 25:25 The Importance of Growth and Change 26:03 Final Thoughts on Control and Surrender Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Most self-help advice is guesswork dressed up as wisdom. We dig into psychology, neuroscience, and behavioral science to find what actually changes lives. WHY LISTEN? Over 8 million downloads because we answer the questions that matter: How do I build mental strength? What creates lasting motivation? How can I understand my own mind well enough to work with it, not against it? This podcast is for curious skeptics who want frameworks backed by psychology studies, not Instagram quotes. Whether you're navigating procrastination, building self-discipline, or designing your own philosophy for a life well lived—we explore the hidden psychology behind real change. WHAT YOU'LL GET Mental models and simple techniques from cognitive psychology, positive psychology, and ancient wisdom traditions like Stoicism and Buddhism. Being a human can be confusing, learning about it doesn’t have to be. We cover everything from emotional intelligence and habit formation to brain health and the nervous system. WHAT YOU DON’T GET No pseudoscience. No oversimplified "hacks." No hustle porn. Just practical insights on mindset improvement, self-development, and human psychology that respect your intelligence and mental health. THE APPROACH Instead of telling you what to think, we explore how thinking works. Armed with psychology studies, social science research, and relentless curiosity, we uncover the mechanics of belief change, attitude change, and personal development. Success is personal. You might want to leverage your neurodiverse strengths, build a business, or simply discover how to be happier. We provide the mental frameworks to pursue your definition of success with mental strength and self-care that fits your life. YOUR HOST I'm Sam Webster Harris—a lifelong learner with ADHD and an obsession with finding answers to hard questions. After launching businesses, traveling the world, and nearly dying a few times, I concluded that psychology and science are where real wisdom lives. This show is my excuse to dive deep into health and fitness research, behavioral psychology, and cool science while helping you build genuine self-discipline and motivation. PREMIUM Go ad-free and access exclusive content, AMAs, and our community Discord. Growth Mindset Premium PAST SERIES Previous guests include Olympians, Scientists, Billionaires, and Sam's Mum. Past series: — Psychology vs Stoicism — Time Management for Busy Mortals — Independence and Knowing Yourself — Cognitive Biases and Rational Thinking — Psychology of Connection and Relationships — Carol Dweck and the Multiverse of Mindsets — Addiction and Behaviour Change — Nervous System Mastery and Polyvagal Theory — Mental Strength and Self-Discipline