Emotion Regulation doesn’t mean being calm and collected all the time – Mini Episode
Emotion regulation doesn't mean being calm and collected all the time. It's about range and repertoire, and an ability to intentionally shift into a state we prefer. A state that 'feels better'. Feeling better is always relative - if we feel isolated alone, we may want to feel more connected with others, with ourself, or with life in general. If we feel over-stimulated, we may want to shift into a calmer state. Listen to this article as a mini podcast episode! Click here for Spotify Click here for Apple Podcasts Listen on Blubrry media player Emotion regulation is one of the most important skills we can learn in this lifetime. Our human brain gives us the capacity to learn how to do it better, even if we did not have models of this growing up. It's a continuous process. The links in this article are meant to give you additional resources for learning about emotion regulation. We can do this because our human brain circuitry gives us the ability to LEARN to do this. Every human on the planet is capable of learning how to self-regulate. However, it is important to note that human children are not born with the capacity to self-regulate. They must have attuned, responsive caregivers who nurture the child's brain development through co-regulation. This means that because our earliest experiences and conditions are not always in our control, it can make it difficult for some people to learn how to regulate in adaptive ways. This means it is also challenging for a large portion of the planet to learn how to consciously self-regulate. So whether we are dealing with young people, or adults - there's a chance some of them did not have what they needed growing up in order to develop emotion regulation skills to their highest potential. This is why we need self-regulation models. Models are not more 'special' than anyone else. It's just they've managed to learn how to regulate themselves well enough that they are able to help others do it too. If you'd like to become better at regulating your emotions and understanding how to help others regulate theirs, here are 5 Key Pillars: 1) Ability to co-regulate with others This means we are able to seek out closeness, intimacy and psychological safety with others. This helps us get out of the trance of our own thoughts and narratives. It opens us up to other people’s experiences and perspectives, and also serves as a mirror for us to practice how to send signals using our voice, hands, face and body in ways that create feedback loops with others that are co-creative, restorative and safe. These are types of mammalian behaviors that are tied to oxytocinergic systems that help us achieve homeostasis through connection. Social interactions also help us complexify our problem-solving and creative abilities by offering multiple unpredictable and unstable feedback loops that we must engage in moment-by-moment. These articles and videos provide ideas for how to get better at co-regulation