Devoted but Doomed

In college, Malcolm Conner penned a rambling email intended for his crush. “You have cow eyes,” he wrote. “I know that sounds like a bad thing but have you ever looked into a cow’s eyes? They are so deep and brown and beautiful.” What he hadn’t disclosed — to his crush or to anyone at school — was that he was transgender and had transitioned at age 15. But he knew he had to tell this “charismatic acquaintance,” for what they had was flirtatious and unstoppable; it was, as Malcolm put it, physics. As it turned out, his crush had something to share too. They dated anyway — quietly, both knowing that each day of sweetness together was drawing them closer toward the last. Featured stories:“The Physics of Forbidden Love," Malcolm Conner“Strangers on a Train," Cecilia Pesao Malcolm’s story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android. You can find more information on today's episode here.

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For 20 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb pitfalls and life-changing moments. New episodes every Wednesday. Listen to this podcast in New York Times Audio, our new iOS app for news subscribers. Download now at nytimes.com/audioapp