Working with anger, depression, self-judgement, and not giving away our power to cultural programming
In this session, I would like to focus on how we apply non violent communication within ourselves. Then violent communication requires quite a transformation from how many of us have been programmed to communicate. Many of us have been programmed to communicate in terms of a language of categorizing people and their actions to judge what they are for doing what they’re doing.
OJ Harvey at the University of Colorado, went around the world and took samples of literature from different cultures to see how often this verb “to be” was used in judging people’s actions good, bad, right, wrong, etc. And he correlated this with measures of violence - violence toward oneself, violence toward others, and he finds a high correlation the more cultures think in terms of what people are and their actions, the more violence in those cultures.
These four feelings are very helpful because when we feel these feelings, we can use them as an alert, that we’re thinking in a way that’s contributing to violence on the planet. And here is an opportunity for us to transform that thinking.
So what are these four friends that we have?
anger, depression, guilt, and shame.
Whenever we’re feeling those feelings, we are thinking in a way that we have been taught to think for about 10,000 years. A way of thinking designed to make us obedient to authority, but a way of thinking that is not conducive to safety and peace on our planet. So we can use those feelings as a wake up signal. Wake up, we’re thinking in a way that’s not conducive to peace, on the planet. Let’s transform the thinking into one that promotes peace on our planet.
So let me show you what I mean.
Training Session # 2 Marshall Rosenberg CNVC org (youtube)
Nonviolent communication is a process that consists of an intention to contribute to our own well being, and the well being of others, compassionately. So that whatever we do is done willingly, not done out of guilt, or shame, or fear of punishment, or trying to buy love, by submitting to what we think others expect us to do. That we give solely out of the joy that comes naturally from contributing to life. Our own life and the lives of others.