Observations and Evaluations - Developing a Literacy of Needs and Strategies
We're interested, in nonviolent communication, with the kind of honesty that supports people connecting with each other in a way that makes compassionate giving inevitable, that makes it enjoyable for people to contribute to each other's well being.
This kind of honesty basically involves telling people what's alive in us, without using any words that criticize, and tell people what would make life more wonderful for us, what we are requesting, without presenting this as a demand, but presented as a request.
Many of us have been educated by an honesty that evolves from our system of justice, retributive justice which judges people is right or wrong, good or bad, with the attachment to that, that if you are good, right, appropriate, etc, you deserve to be rewarded. But if you are bad, wrong, etc. You deserve to suffer, be punished, etc.
THE FOUR BASIC STEPS OF NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION
1. OBSERVATION: Share a non-judgmental observation without any charged language that might put someone on the defensive
2. FEELINGS: Identify the feelings that are coming up
3. NEEDS: Connect these feelings to an underlying and universal human need
4. REQUEST: Make a request for the person to reflect back what you said and/or take a specific action.
Nonviolent communication is a process that consists of an intention to contribute to our own well being, and the well being of others, compassionately. So that whatever we do is done willingly, not done out of guilt, or shame, or fear of punishment, or trying to buy love, by submitting to what we think others expect us to do. That we give solely out of the joy that comes naturally from contributing to life. Our own life and the lives of others.