110: Why Many Women Play the Wrong Role in the Relationship (Pat Allen Book Review)

Join Kelly's Reclaimed program and membership hereIn this provocative solo episode, Kelly unpacks the life-altering insights from Pat Allen’s classic book Getting to “I Do”. Drawing from her own experience and years of clinical observation, Kelly explores the often uncomfortable—but liberating—truths about masculine/feminine dynamics, romantic polarity, and the myth of the “career woman.” She breaks down why women’s power lies not in doing more or achieving more, but in mastering the art of the “no,” cherishing themselves first, and choosing the dynamics that truly serve their deepest desires.Whether you’re single, dating, or married, this is a blueprint for reclaiming your feminine essence and reshaping your relationship reality—without another strategy, seduction tactic, or self-help checklist.You’ll Learn:How polarity clarifies power dynamics in romantic relationshipsWhy seeking both respect and cherishing can sabotage intimacyHow to choose between being a career woman or a woman with a careerWhat the “five-second gaze” reveals about feminine initiation and nervous system capacityHow withholding sex until commitment rewires relational self-worthWhy honoring your “no” is the ultimate feminine flexWhat happens when women unconsciously reject the men they claim to loveHow emotional and intellectual pedestals define partner rolesWhy many high-achieving women feel resentful, bitter, or overwhelmed in relationshipsWhat asking for more love or attention signals about relational misalignmentTimestamps:[00:00] Introduction[01:00] Why modern relationships are struggling[01:58] Difference between being cherished and respected[03:05] Why demanding both respect and cherishing doesn’t work[04:00] Choosing your relational orientation[05:02] The meaning of a woman with a career vs a career woman[06:00] The gaslighting of career fulfillment[07:02] Honoring the power of your no[08:00] Why sexual access should come after commitment[09:05] Defining commitment[11:02] Living from your pleasure and feminine gifts[12:00] How to stop chasing femininity and power[13:02] Why you should not ask a man for more love or attention[14:00] Traits of a cherished woman[15:03] Traits of a respected partner[16:00] Why respected partners focus on giving[17:02] Red flags in dating and complementarity[18:00] Manipulation and mother wounds in relationships[19:00] How projection blocks intimacy[20:00] Staying until you reach apathy and empathy[21:02] Signs a man is truly committed[22:00] Why early stages of dating matter[23:00] Applying these ideas to marriageResources Mentioned:Inspiration derived from this book by Amy LoftusGetting to 'I Do' by Pat Allen and Sandra Harmon | Book or AudiobookDr. Christiane Northrup | Website Vital Mind Reset by Dr. Kelly Brogan | WebsiteLaura Doyle | WebsiteFind more from Kelly:Instagram: @kellybroganmdWebsite: kellybroganmd.comJoin Kelly's monthly membership, Vital Life Project here.Get Kelly’s new book The Reclaimed Woman here and join the companion program, Reclaimed, here.👉🏻 Want to start a podcast like this one? Book your free podcast planning call here

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It hurts to have unmet needs. And it sucks to scurry after crumbs when you’re starving. Join Kelly Brogan MD, as she teaches us how our pain points are portals. She’ll help you discover a world where every seeming challenge is a new chapter in your most audacious story. Plot twists, body symptoms, and heartbreak each represent an opportunity to own ourselves and learn to better wield the power of choice. Kelly will take you on a reclamation journey from the battlefield of victim consciousness to the sovereignty of self-devoted pleasure and expose every surprising place you’ve given your power away. Explore the tools you’ll need to find out what you want, how to ask for it and how to stand in fierce alignment with yourself.Kelly Brogan is a soul alchemist and threshold guardian devoted to the transformation of collective consciousness. As a young know-it-all atheist, candy-addict, straight-A MIT neuroscience major and Ivy-league trained psychiatrist, she specialized in feeding women, herself included, straight into the mouth of the medicated beast. After a Hashimoto’s healing journey inspired her to sound the alarm on the bait-and-switch of big pharma, she became a renegade activist—authoring the New York Times bestseller, A Mind of Your Own, and its follow-up, Own Your Self; co-editing the landmark textbook, Integrative Therapies for Depression; and eventually becoming an honorary member of the Disinformation Dozen. She is the creatrix of Vital Mind Reset, the online health reclamation program, and the membership community Vital Life Project. She’s a human, cat, and chicken mom.