86: Why The Hustle for Success Could Be Destroying Your Happiness with Alyssa Jarvi

Do you want to end the cycles of pain in your mother line? Sign up for my Victimless Mothering Masterclass and learn to Own Your Self.Register for my Over-achieving, Under-receiving Masterclass on December 12th at noon Eastern here.In this episode, you'll learn how to approach finances when the wife is the breadwinner, why letting go of career ambitions for motherhood can be fulfilling and what it means to embrace different phases of life as a woman. You will understand why being a "relaxed woman" is a powerful act in today's society and how to navigate the challenges of role reversals in marriage.Alyssa is a mother, scientist, entrepreneur, and writer with expertise in immunology, community building, and venture creation. Most recently, Alyssa spent six years in various roles at a multi-billion dollar healthcare investment firm, where she fundraised and evaluated the technological feasibility of biotech assets. During this time, she helped several people start companies, including a high-throughput wood product manufacturing business that she and her husband currently operate. Previously, Alyssa served as engineering director for the Yale Center for Biomedical Innovation and Technology (CBIT), an effort that connected Yale University and Yale-New Haven Health Center. In that role, Alyssa taught undergraduate courses, advised project teams, ran large healthcare hackathons, and managed academic-industry partnerships. Timestamps:[05:12] Alyssa’s views on being “just a mother”[06:52] Early career journey in STEM fields[07:53] Lessons from observing career women[08:55] Transition from academia to investment[10:15] Impact of motherhood on priorities[10:58] Navigating parenthood and work-life balance[11:42] Struggles with ethical gray areas in work[13:26] Decision to work from home as a mother  [13:47] The challenge of quitting a high-paying job[14:29] Understanding financial dependence[16:05] Transitioning roles with her husband[17:19] The impact of earning potential on women[18:21] Misguided focus on career over family[19:15] Financial pressures and decision-making[20:35] Struggles with superiority and control[21:25] Observing cultural pressures on women[23:39] Red, black, and white phases explained[24:31] Transformations through motherhood[28:21] Trust and vulnerability in marriage[29:49] Career realizations after becoming a mother[30:38] Breaking away from external pressures[32:09] Conversations about financial changes[33:51] Her husband’s response to her decision[34:20] Finding a new balance as a family[35:37] Building confidence in her husband’s role[36:31] Experimenting with traditional roles[39:27] Trusting in timing and spiritual guidance[40:59] Overcoming control tendencies in marriage[41:50] Learning to trust her husband’s decisions[43:19] Letting go of resentment and victimhood[46:00] Handling failures and problem-solving[49:44] The importance of being fully present[50:34] Reframing mundane tasks as devotion[52:02] Finding joy in simpler rhythms of life[53:14] Adjusting to a slower pace with children[54:23] Reducing friction in daily routines[56:08] Natural sensitivity returning through slowing down[57:10] Feeling provided for by her husband[58:07] Using creative impulses in new ventures[59:53] Advice for new mothers about simplicityCheck out The River Valley Collective’s Website and connect with Alyssa through The Soulful Scientist’s Substack.Resources Mentioned:Dr. Martin Shaw | WebsiteThe Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle | Book or AudiobookThe Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle | Book or AudiobookFind more from Kelly Brogan:Instagram: @kellybroganmdWebsite: kellybroganmd.comJoin Kelly's monthly membership, Vital Life Project here.Get Kelly’s new book The Reclaimed Woman here and join the companion program, Reclaimed, here.This week’s episode was sponsored by Lotus Wei. Head to lotuswei.com and use the code Kelly15 to get 15% off your purchase.

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It hurts to have unmet needs. And it sucks to scurry after crumbs when you’re starving. Join Kelly Brogan MD, as she teaches us how our pain points are portals. She’ll help you discover a world where every seeming challenge is a new chapter in your most audacious story. Plot twists, body symptoms, and heartbreak each represent an opportunity to own ourselves and learn to better wield the power of choice. Kelly will take you on a reclamation journey from the battlefield of victim consciousness to the sovereignty of self-devoted pleasure and expose every surprising place you’ve given your power away. Explore the tools you’ll need to find out what you want, how to ask for it and how to stand in fierce alignment with yourself.Kelly Brogan is a soul alchemist and threshold guardian devoted to the transformation of collective consciousness. As a young know-it-all atheist, candy-addict, straight-A MIT neuroscience major and Ivy-league trained psychiatrist, she specialized in feeding women, herself included, straight into the mouth of the medicated beast. After a Hashimoto’s healing journey inspired her to sound the alarm on the bait-and-switch of big pharma, she became a renegade activist—authoring the New York Times bestseller, A Mind of Your Own, and its follow-up, Own Your Self; co-editing the landmark textbook, Integrative Therapies for Depression; and eventually becoming an honorary member of the Disinformation Dozen. She is the creatrix of Vital Mind Reset, the online health reclamation program, and the membership community Vital Life Project. She’s a human, cat, and chicken mom.