The If, When, and How of Dating
It can be overwhelming... conflicting, complicated and all consuming. Conflicting - Exciting and terrifying Complicated - We are not just making decisions for ourselves, it effects my kids... potentially my ex. All consuming - Making room to do this means I am sacrificing another area and I am already spread thin. NOT TO MENTION finding a mate /or not is probably the biggest decision we will have to make. 3 elements to factor in as we consider dating again. 1. Identify where I am - self awareness Name you fears, it brings freedom - with awareness brings healing Name your feeling - its ok to be excited as much as afraid Who am I - am I someone that someone would want to date? What work do I still need to do? What are scars - Replace the word 'baggage' with 'bonus' What are hopes? Give lots of grace - see this is not a one shot chance 2. Define what you are looking for, what we need and where you want to go First of all when thinking about this don't envision a specific person. Create a check list - Write down what's important related to Career Family - existing and or future Age Faith How they treat people How they treat their kids Disipline Kindness Why do I want to be remarried? Companionship? Emotional stability? Financial stability? What did you love about your last relationship What are non negotiable Pray - God, what am I missing? 3. Create Plan - Patience or proceed Patience is self explanatory - and remember it is a season - you will not stay 'in the waiting'... expand your friend group circle so loneliness doesn't compromise the waiting. Proceeding Check list Pray - submit the conversations If using a dating app -Use caution - don't put to much out there -Take time -Be completely honest -Be patient -Proximity -Meet at public place -Don't let them in your house -Set boundaries -Be true to you -Don't move too quickly - Especially physically - Casual sex is anything but casual. It comes with burdens, shame and complicates healing and can create emotional confusion. -How quick you introduce to kids - protecting kids from getting to attached -Be open to new Remember, to date or not to date is one of the most important decision we will face as a single parent and it deserves a carefully thought out position, and tons of prayer.