Ep. 50: Sexting and Suicidal - How to support your teen

TW: Please be aware that this post contains references to self-harm and suicide. When Brenda realised her 11 year old daughter Faith was sexting with an older boy she was shocked. Over the next few years Faith continued to send nudes on her phone and became suicidal, despite her parents' best efforts to support and guide their daughter. Brenda says she eventually realised this: you can't control your child's behaviour, or their pain. Letting go of your own goals as a parent, and acknowledging your child's pain is the best you can do to support your child to find their own way through the trama they're struggling with. It's easy for all of us to assume we've done enough; that the horror stories in the media belong to other families, not those of us who've worked really hard on our parenting and consider ourselves well informed. But they did a great job, and Faith still embarked on a relationship with her mental health that saw her sexting, self-harming, and even attempting suicide. Here's a wake up call for parents (like me) who think they've done everything right, and this won't happen to their children - Brenda and her husband did everything right. Faith says her parents were very sex positive and had discussed porn, self-esteem and coercive control openly. But she started sexting in 6th grade when she got her first mobile phone, around the age most UK children are starting secondary school, and she refused to stop. Faith says it's not just great parenting that makes a happy life for a child. Our children are born with their own inherent problems. She first had suicidal thoughts at the age of 9, and it's still the knee-jerk thought process she goes to during times of stress. Ultimately Brenda wasn't able to change Faith's behaviour, so she and her husband focused on supporting Faith's mental health through counselling and acceptance of how she was feeling. The turning point was when Brenda acknowledged how unhappy her daughter was and openly talked about her suicidal feelings with her. Find out how that conversation went by listening to the podcast. Who are Faith and Brenda? Brenda Ferber [https://brendaferber.com/brenda/] is crisis counselor and an award-winning children's book author based in Florida. When she's not writing, reading, or talking to kids about books, she's likely playing tennis or golf, seeing live theater, spending time with her husband and their three fabulous children, or counseling people through Crisis Text Line. Her daughter, Faith Ferber, is a Licensed Master Social Worker working as a therapist in Washington DC. She is also an anti-sexual violence activist, writer, and speaker, and she's a proud member of the LGBTQIA community. You can watch the video of Brenda's decision to send Faith to Wilderness Therapy in the accompanying blog post, where you will also find the story I mention in the podcast about the pivotal talk she had with her daughter about suicide. Crisis Text Line [https://www.crisistextline.org/] * UK 85258 * US 741741 More teenage parenting tips from Helen Wills: Helen wills is a teen mental health podcaster and blogger at Actually Mummy [https://www.actuallymummy.co.uk/] a resource for midlife parents of teens. Thank you for listening! Subscribe [https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/teenage-kicks-podcast/id1501488455] to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear new episodes. If you have a suggestion for the podcast please email teenagekickspodcast@gmail.com. There are already stories from fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including 

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Welcome to the Teenage Kicks podcast, where we take the fear out of parenting - or becoming - a teenager. The internet is full of parenting advice, from when you feel those first baby kicks, until they reach secondary school. And then it stops. No one is talking about teen parenting problems; so we’re going to. Essential listening for teenagers and their parents, as well as those who work with young adults; Teenage Kicks has teen mental health at its core, and each episode will empower young people to tackle their own problems, and give parents the guidance to know how to help them. Each week Helen speaks to real individuals who've experienced the issues that young people are dealing with now, and they don't sugar-coat it. From exam nerves and career worries to issues around sexuality and consent, we get tips and advice from expert guests who understand what it’s like to be a teenager today. Helen will also be chatting about tough teenage problems like cyberbullying and self-harm, drugs, alcohol and teenage pregnancy, all with a heavy dose of reality from someone who's been there and made it through to the other side. Teenage Kicks for Parents: As parents, we understand some of our kids’ struggles, but let’s face it, it’s been a while, and things have moved on since we last panicked over a detention! Teenage choices today can seem alien to their parents because teenage life has changed so dramatically since we were young. Teenage Kicks helps you unravel topics like social media, sexting and teen self-esteem so that you can figure out what your child needs support with, and what’s just normal teenage behaviour.   Teenage Kicks for Teens: Teenagers and parents come at things from different angles, we know. But teenage life can be challenging, and the support of your parents can make navigating tricky dilemmas easier. Teenage Kicks guests aren’t adults who’ve read a textbook; nor are they heavily invested in your day-to-day safety, like your mum and dad. They are real people who’ve been through what you’re dealing with, and they have the inspiration and advice you need to handle it yourself. Join Helen each week as she chats to a different guest about topics affecting teenagers in 2020, and helps parents and teens to open up a dialogue that will make life easier to navigate on all sides. You'll also find me chatting about teen parenting here: * Actually Mummy [https://actuallymummy.co.uk/] - my personal blog * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/iamhelenwills/] * Twitter [https://twitter.com/iamhelenwills] Useful websites: * The Mix [https://www.themix.org.uk/]- good information for under 25's * Shout [https://www.giveusashout.org/] - for anyone struggling with anxiety or depression This series of the Teenage Kicks Podcast is sponsored by Blue Microphones [https://www.blue-designs.co.uk/], who gave me the fabulous Yeticaster mic for all my recordings. It's really straightforward to use, and gives me great sound quality without too much editing.