Ep. 52: What's it like to have a narcissistic mother?

Do you have a narcissistic parent? Or has your child experienced narcissism in the family? Listen to this episode of Teenage Kicks to learn how to identify narcissistic parenting, and how to help your child heal from it. Marie Ellis Cook says that growing up with a narcissistic parent left her unable to accept love as an adult, and confused about her value. What it's like being a daughter with a narcissistic mother Marie says that when you're a child it can be difficult to see how a narcissistic mother destroys you. She assumed her mother's rage and lack of comfort was normal until she visited friends and realised how other parents behave towards their children. She thought love was a myth. Things narcissistic mothers say Here are some of the things a narcissistic parent might say: * That never happened * You're overreacting * You're gaining weight, you might want to watch what you eat * You owe me for everything I do for you * Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about * You don't care about me * I can't understand where I went wrong with you * You're useless * Don't talk rubbish Marie's mother went one step further by blaming her daughter for her own feelings. This is called parentification, where a parent offloads adult problems and feelings on their child, expecting them to take responsibility for their parent's emotions. Marie's mother regularly complained to her daughter about her own problems, and expected her to give comfort. Confronting a narcissistic mother Marie describes the process of standing up to her narcissistic mother as counter-productive. She was met with denial and defensiveness, and says that it's usually a hopeless endeavour. Healing from narcissistic parenting When Marie left to go to university she struggled to know where she fit in. She was used to conforming, to getting things wrong, to knowing that she was unacceptable. She eventually realised that she suffered from codependency, and sought help in the form of therapy. Who is Marie Ellis Cook? Marie was born and raised in Singapore and currently lives in the United States. She is the daughter of a narcissistic mother. After discovering her mother's narcissism, she learnt to break free from narcissistic control and overcame the bonds of family enmeshment. She left the corporate world to help people from toxic families get unstuck & find their authentic selves. She is now a narcissist recovery and marriage counsellor [https://www.marieelliscook.com/] helping others to deal with a narcissistic parent.  More teenage parenting tips from Helen Wills: Helen wills is a teen mental health podcaster and blogger at Actually Mummy [https://www.actuallymummy.co.uk/] a resource for midlife parents of teens. Thank you for listening! Subscribe [https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/teenage-kicks-podcast/id1501488455] to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear new episodes. If you have a suggestion for the podcast please email teenagekickspodcast@gmail.com. There are already stories from fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including losing a parent [https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-do-you-cope-loss-parent-when-youre-teenager-ryan/id1501488455?i=1000495564421], becoming a young carer [https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/danielle-on-being-a-young-carer-for-her-alcoholic-mum/id1501488455?i=1000468538022], and being 

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Welcome to the Teenage Kicks podcast, where we take the fear out of parenting - or becoming - a teenager. The internet is full of parenting advice, from when you feel those first baby kicks, until they reach secondary school. And then it stops. No one is talking about teen parenting problems; so we’re going to. Essential listening for teenagers and their parents, as well as those who work with young adults; Teenage Kicks has teen mental health at its core, and each episode will empower young people to tackle their own problems, and give parents the guidance to know how to help them. Each week Helen speaks to real individuals who've experienced the issues that young people are dealing with now, and they don't sugar-coat it. From exam nerves and career worries to issues around sexuality and consent, we get tips and advice from expert guests who understand what it’s like to be a teenager today. Helen will also be chatting about tough teenage problems like cyberbullying and self-harm, drugs, alcohol and teenage pregnancy, all with a heavy dose of reality from someone who's been there and made it through to the other side. Teenage Kicks for Parents: As parents, we understand some of our kids’ struggles, but let’s face it, it’s been a while, and things have moved on since we last panicked over a detention! Teenage choices today can seem alien to their parents because teenage life has changed so dramatically since we were young. Teenage Kicks helps you unravel topics like social media, sexting and teen self-esteem so that you can figure out what your child needs support with, and what’s just normal teenage behaviour.   Teenage Kicks for Teens: Teenagers and parents come at things from different angles, we know. But teenage life can be challenging, and the support of your parents can make navigating tricky dilemmas easier. Teenage Kicks guests aren’t adults who’ve read a textbook; nor are they heavily invested in your day-to-day safety, like your mum and dad. They are real people who’ve been through what you’re dealing with, and they have the inspiration and advice you need to handle it yourself. Join Helen each week as she chats to a different guest about topics affecting teenagers in 2020, and helps parents and teens to open up a dialogue that will make life easier to navigate on all sides. You'll also find me chatting about teen parenting here: * Actually Mummy [https://actuallymummy.co.uk/] - my personal blog * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/iamhelenwills/] * Twitter [https://twitter.com/iamhelenwills] Useful websites: * The Mix [https://www.themix.org.uk/]- good information for under 25's * Shout [https://www.giveusashout.org/] - for anyone struggling with anxiety or depression This series of the Teenage Kicks Podcast is sponsored by Blue Microphones [https://www.blue-designs.co.uk/], who gave me the fabulous Yeticaster mic for all my recordings. It's really straightforward to use, and gives me great sound quality without too much editing.