'Self Esteem, Self Worth, Self Compassion' with John Niland & Una Murphy
In this episode, Andy Lopata is joined by Una Murphy and John Niland to discuss the importance of self-compassion, self-esteem, and self-worth in building strong relationships and networks. Una Murphy is an experienced executive coach working around wellbeing and resilience, and John Niland specializes in building professional identities both with teams and individuals, rooted in understanding self-worth. John explains the differences between these three terms and how they affect our relationships with ourselves and others. He notes that self-esteem is often based on our reputation with ourselves, which is conditional and can be affected by our successes and failures in life. In contrast, self-worth is unconditional and not based on performance or behavior. John also discusses how self-worth can help us build better relationships with others, as it allows us to be more interested in other people rather than trying to impress them. He gives examples of how the COVID-19 pandemic has affected our relationship with ourselves and highlights the importance of developing self-compassion, particularly during difficult times. Una Murphy, discusses the importance of self-worth and how it differs from self-esteem in building trust and strong relationships. Una emphasize that trust is built when people approach relationships from a place of comfort and listen to each other with humility. The guests also suggest that coaches need to shift from self-esteem coaching to exploring how individuals can be valuable to others. The conversation delves into the impact of social media on our self-esteem and how it affects our ability to connect authentically. They explore the topic of the indifference of others and the craving for attention, which has grown with the rise of social media and the plea for likes. John explains how self-preoccupation has been on the rise since the 80s and how it may be the cause of social media, rather than the other way around. People often suffer from feeling invisible despite putting in effort into their career, business, coaching practice, or creative endeavors. To combat this feeling, John suggests coming back to how you can be valuable, irrespective of whether people are buying it or not, and building a professional identity based on who you are, rather than what you do. Andy shares a powerful takeaway from a self-development program that he did, which is the NATO acronym, meaning "not attached to the outcome." It’s essential to focus on the value you bring, rather than the opinions of others, and to develop deep roots in what you stand for, which can help you survive times of indifference and transition. The episode provides valuable insights into building strong relationships and networks by first connecting with oneself. John Niland's book The Self-Worth Safari invites us on a powerful adventure to uncover the intrinsic state of value, which is ultimately untouched by changing fortune. The book is for anyone looking for more energy, confidence and a deeper belief in themselves. This could include people in career transition, young professionals, independent professionals and leaders who want to inspire others. Connect with Andy Lopata Una Murphy John Niland