'Talking on Eggshells' with Sam Horn
In this episode of the Connected Leadership Podcast, Andy Lopata welcomes Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency and the Tongue Fu! Training Institute. Sam's newly released book, "Talking on Eggshells," is the focus of their conversation, delving into conflict management and its impact on our professional lives. Sam emphasises that conflict is a natural aspect of life and highlights the need to address it rather than ignore it. Drawing inspiration from Elvis Presley, Sam encourages individuals not to let things go wrong but to address conflict head-on. She emphasises the importance of diverse perspectives within teams and explains how conflict arises from disagreements on the best course of action. Drawing a parallel to team sports, she compares the need for different positions and skills required in business environments. Conflict arises when individuals disagree on the best course of action or decision to make. Sam shares an example of how conflict can serve a constructive purpose by focusing on how individuals can cooperate instead of opposing one another. The power of language in conflict situations is a key topic of discussion. Sam provides practical techniques for effective communication, including the use of pattern interrupts to halt negative conflict and the need to focus on future solutions instead of assigning blame to the past. She suggests reframing negative accusations and stereotypes by sharing personal beliefs and experiences in a positive manner. Andy and Sam explore maintaining a positive mindset and engaging in constructive conversations, even in challenging situations. Sam compares changing communication habits to acquiring new skills, emphasising the need for practice and conscious effort. She recommends using reminder cards (Words to Use and Words to Lose) with positive phrases to interrupt negative language patterns and encourage curiosity and understanding in one-on-one interactions as a means of holding others accountable without blame. On how to address conflicts in group or meeting environments, Sam introduces the "Name the Game" technique inspired by Joan Rivers' comedic approach to guilt trips. This technique focuses on openly naming and calling out unhelpful behaviour, which neutralises it and holds individuals accountable for blocking progress. By reframing situations and redirecting focus towards productive outcomes, conflicts can be effectively managed. The importance of acknowledging the elephant in the room and fostering better communication is discussed. Sam and Andy provide practical tips and phrases such as "Could you please help me understand?" to bridge the gap between conflicting parties and promote open dialogue. Sam and Andy also discuss the challenge of dealing with individuals who consistently gravitate towards conflict. Sam acknowledges that some people thrive on negativity and attention, often acting as naysayers or fault-finders. She suggests using the person's name to redirect conversations towards the greater good, setting clear boundaries, and using a confident, final tone to indicate that further debate or discussion is not an option. Overall, this episode explores the significance of effective communication, the power of language, and practical techniques for managing conflict and changing the tone of relationships. You can check out Sam Horn's book, "Talking on Eggshells," for further guidance on improving interpersonal relationships and navigating difficult conversations. If you would like to download Sam’s ‘Words to Lose, Words to Use, please visit www.andylopata.com/samhorn. Connect with Andy Lopata Website Connect with Sam Horn LinkedIn