#254 What to Do When Your Spouse is Not 'Showing Up' or Investing in Your Extraordinary Marriage/Life
In this episode, Greg and Rachel Denning answer this question: "Wondering if you have advice for someone who has been trying to pour everything into life/marriage to make it extraordinary but the spouse is not showing up and 'being the man' as Greg has defined. If they try, they relapse or it seems like the bare minimum is done. It has been years of this and it feels like it’s holding us back from an extraordinary life. Wondering your thoughts on handling situations like that when it feels like you have tried everything and given it time." The truth is an extraordinary marriage requires work. But Greg and Rachel Denning tackle the all too common dilemma: what to do when one spouse is giving their all to make their marriage extraordinary, but the other isn't stepping up. They delve into the essence of a thriving marriage, emphasizing the power of daily choices and the need for 'extraordinary' effort (and why 'good' is not good enough). Greg and Rachel stress the importance of utilizing the right tools (in the right way) even if you've 'tried everything' -- and persisting through challenges. They explain the issue of 'collusion' and destructive, self-sabotaging patterns in relationships and explain how to break free from them. Rachel highlights the significance of personal accountability and understanding the differences between men and women -- men need respect and women need to feel cherished -- for fostering a healthy partnership. They urge spouses to 'bring the tide' and become agents of change in their relationships through self-improvement, emphasizing the effect 'bringing the tide' can have on spouses. Offering practical advice, the Dennings present a roadmap for enhancing marriages even if you're the 'only one' -- with a warning against heeding misguided counsel (like Ruby Franke). Key Takeaways: Marriage requires continuous effort and dedication. Small choices yield significant results over time. Extraordinary effort is indispensable for exceptional outcomes -- but it's easier than it sounds. Utilize the right tools and continuously expand your skill set. Break free from destructive relationship cycles (collusion) by taking responsibility. Understand and adapt to gender differences for a harmonious relationship. Personal growth can inspire positive changes in your partner. Consistency and unwavering commitment are crucial for marital improvement. Timestamps: 00:00 Marriage is Tough 03:00 The Two Paths in Life 06:23 Exponential Results of Small Choices 10:07 The Need for Extraordinary Effort 13:15 Importance of the Right Tools 22:21 Being the Change in Your Marriage 27:22 Breaking the Cycle of Destruction 29:43 Understanding Differences Between Men and Women 31:59 Inspiring Change in Your Spouse 32:58 Taking Responsibility 39:16 Becoming a Catalyst for Change 45:32 Formula for Improving Your Marriage 50:22 Urgency of Making Changes 53:45The Dangers of Listening to the Wrong Advice 57:29 Consistency and Obsession RESOURCES: Rachel’s Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms Greg's Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle Let us help you in your growth journey. Download the Be The Man app on iOS or Android Take the Be The Man 7-Day Challenge. Join the 28-Day Challenge for Moms Join the Be The Man Coaching & Tribe Gather with us at the World School Family (Beach & Farm) Resort in Portugal --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message