211: Vanessa Van Edwards - How To Be Instantly Irresistible

Episode 211: Vanessa Van Edwards - How To Be Instantly Irresistible

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"Vulnerability is sexy.  There is science to prove it."

Show Notes:

  • Sustained Excellence = Being a people reader (not a mind reader)
    • Try to listen to others more than anyone else
    • Get to KNOW the person
    • 3 Skills
      • Decoding - Leaders who are able to read others accurately
      • Encoding - Your ability to send accurate signals to others... What can I do to excite others?
      • Self-Regulation
  • The art/science of inspiring others
  • We decide if someone is a winner or a loser... Do they feel pride or shame? If we feel pride, we take up more space, shame = less space
  • Charisma -- How to be instantly irresistible?
  • The most charismatic people
    • High Warmth
    • High Competence
    • Must have both
    • Lucille Ball is a great example. I Love Lucy
  • Do you need high levels of charisma to be an effective leader?
    • You do not need to be extroverted... Or a booming leader
    • Quiet, contemplative types can be phenomenal leaders
  • How to handle a room with a lot of people networking if you're an introvert?
    • Your key in this room is to try and create 1 on 1 conversations. Play to your strengths
    • Don't stand in the center of the room
    • Stand at a high bar table
    • Low light areas
  • Conversation hacks:
    • Sparks - The brain looks for hits, not misses
    • "Anything good happen lately?
    • "Working on anything exciting?"
  • Ask soft yes/no questions...
    • "A really skilled decoder is a better listener than anyone else"
  • "Vulnerability is sexy.  There is science to prove it."
  • "Relatability comes down to ties." -- Saying "Oh, me too" creates a tie with that person.
    • "You want this, I want this..." type speeches
  • The 7 micro-expressions

"The most charismatic people have: high warmth and high competence."

 

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Episode 179: How To Sustain Excellence - The Best Answers From 178 Questions

Episode 107: Simon Sinek – Leadership: It Starts With Why

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