043: Unmotivated Children & How to Engage Them, 7 Basic Principles
How do we resolve a lack of motivation in our children? It is not enough to be frustrated with our children or be disappointed in them. Although the feelings are completely justified, they do not make things happen. To see more motivated children, we need to put in a bit of effort to help them. There is no quick fix. Developing independence is a developmental process that takes time. But we can and should facilitate it. Of course you can try and use a trick — such as natural consequences (positive or negative) — to encourage the child to complete tasks. But although using natural consequences it is OK, it is a short-lived strategy. It will get a task done, but it will not lead to a child developing a sense of autonomy and motivation. Initiative and independence — are internal states driven by internal motivation, so creating external rewards is not going to develop these internal drivers for action. So how do you motivate a child who does not show motivation? There are 7 basic principles behind motivation for non-preferred tasks. If you put these into practice, you will see a huge difference. If you ignore them, you are more likely to face resistance from your child and see more “lazy” behavior or avoidance of particular tasks. So keep these in mind as you encourage your child to be more willing to take action: Humans like to do things that make them feel good. No one likes negative consequences. So don’t overdo it. Timing is everything. Model what you’d like to see. Choice is everything. Ability is key. Done is better than perfect. We look at some examples and how these principles apply. Tune in for the full conversation and share this episode with others! Need more ideas? Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training. Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com