Year of Yes – Episode 170
Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”? I recently read a book, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, subtitled “How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.” Much of what I read resonated with the work I’ve been doing in recovery, so I thought I’d try to express that resonance here. * Basic connections between her story and mine: * Contrast between “inside” and “outside”. Or maybe I should say “outside” and “inside.” * Outwardly successful in many ways. * Inwardly isolating and “stuffing” (feelings and food) * There is a “bottom” and a “moment of clarity.” Sparked by her sister’s observation that “you never say yes to anything”. * “I am miserable. ¶ Admitting this takes my breath away. I feel as though I am revealing new information to myself. Learning a secret I’ve been keeping from myself. ¶ I am miserable. ¶ Truly, deeply unhappy.” * She recognized the need for change, and committed (to herself and her friends) to say “Yes” to everything that scared her for a year. * “Am going to say yes to anything and everything that scares me. For a whole year. Or until I get scared to death and you have to bury me. Ugh.” * Emotional blackouts * Her logic: “• Saying no has gotten me here. • Here sucks. • Saying yes might be my way to someplace better. … [or] at least someplace different.” * My entry into recovery: Trying to fix got me here. Here sucks. Trying Al-Anon might be my way to someplace better or at least someplace different. * Both of us have patterns set in childhood * isolating, living in her imagination * Fixing, rescuing, co-dependency * Chapter titles include * Yes to speaking the whole truth * My recovery: knowing who I am and living it. Being authentic. * Yes to surrendering the Mommy War * My recovery: It is ok to ask for (and accept) help * Yes to all play and no work * My recovery: take time for the things that feed ME, my soul * Yes to my body * My recovery: Take care of myself * Yes to joining the club * My recovery: I am a capable person, I have strengths, I don’t have to hide them, and I don’t have to compare myself to others (to my detriment) * Yes, Thank You * My recovery: I can accept praise without diminishing it. “Thank you.” is a complete sentence. * Yes to more year of yes * My recovery: This is a lifelong process. And I want to do it. * Yes to No, Yes to difficult conversations * My recovery: I can say “no”. (“No.” is a complete sentence.) * Yes to people * My recovery: I am not alone. The recovery community is here for me. * My family is here for me. * Yes to who I am * My recovery: learning who I am, and loving who I am (and changing the things I don’t want to be.) Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.