Ask Amy: My Spouse Goes Out with Friends...and I Don't

Has it been a while since you've had a night out? Does your parenting partner, in contrast, have an active social life? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group: How do I explain to my husband that while it’s nice he wants to see his friends weekly, he doesn’t have to?  He has two friends he hangs out with almost every week, and they're both child-free. So the hanging out always happens during bedtime– or sometimes he'll even leave mid-bedtime. I haven’t seen my friends solo in weeks! Maybe even months! I heard somewhere it’s easier for a dad or non primary caregiver to find childcare ( in their spouse ) than it is for a mom or primary care giver to find it in their spouse. Most of my friends' husbands hardly ever watch their kids, never do bedtimes, or even worse, have never cared for all their kids, solo, at once. The other problem is that it's less work to stay home than go out... Because you know your partner, if they watch the kids, will do the bare bones. The house will be a disaster when I come home. In other words, my husband is a good person, he is willing to watch my kids, but being a mom it’s also not always practical. Please tell me this isn’t just something I struggle with! Let's change our own language around this before we try to change minds. When our spouses or partners are parenting, they're not babysitting, or watching the kids, or helping us. They're doing what they're supposed to be doing. We have to entitle ourselves to the same social lives and plans as our parenting partners who aren't as tied to the home. If their cleaning standards might be below ours... we can fix that, but a little further down the road. For now, focus on how good is it for your family– and for you– that you have renewing time with your friends, and how good it is for your kids to see that your partner can take care of them just as well as you can. Here is writing on the topic mentioned in this episode: Melinda Wenner Moyer: "At Least I'm Not as Bad as That Dad!" Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor: Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Om Podcasten

When you're a parent, every day brings a "fresh hell" to deal with. In other words, there's always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you're not alone, and it won't always be this hard. We're Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn't like. In each episode of "What Fresh Hell" we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood. If you've ever wondered "why is my kid..." then one of us has probably been there, and we're here to tell you what we've learned along the way. We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies. We offer our best parenting tips and skills we've learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship. If you're the default parent in your household, whether you're a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!   whatfreshhellpodcast.com