How To Identify Fake Excuses that Are Limiting Your Potential Even If You’re A Procrastinator
“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” -Benjamin Franklin
One common, frustrating theme I have found when talking to people who have mediocre lives is that they’re all excuse-generating machines.
Every time I try to give reasons that their obstacles are solvable and tactics to do so, they come up with a mediocre excuse so that they can remain where they are. I recently had an especially frustrating case of this recently with an Indian man I met who had trouble making friends.
After hearing about my own struggles with this, he came up to me and told me he had similar problems but he was over a decade older than me.
He also had insecurities with his race because most of the people he met were white and he thought he couldn’t relate to them.
But as I dove into the issue, my eagerness to help quickly turned into frustration as I discovered he was immovable as a rock with his beliefs about the world…
He told me how he couldn’t make friends with the friendly people he knew at his apartment because they all had wives and he was the only one without a wife. I told him while I could see that setting you apart a bit, that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with them or still make friends. I have gotten to know a few friendly people who have spouses and kids at my CrossFit gym and at work.
He didn’t believe me. You could tell by his facial expression.
He said he couldn’t make friends with people at work because work is to work and not to socialize. You work and you go home. You don’t socialize with others. He kept repeating this belief over and over to me like a broken record even when I didn’t spur him to say anything.
I acknowledged the fact that you don’t want to waste time at work when you could be making more money for the business, but the very core of every part of human achievement revolves around interacting (and coordinating) with other humans (whether it’s creating great businesses, architecture, or movies).
I pointed out that you can still engage and invest in coworkers during your lunch break or after work if it’s important to you. I also noted that not all coworkers are cold people and not all workplaces are anti-social. I’ve worked at a couple different places where my coworkers were warm, friendly people who were willing to chat with people.
He kept repeating his belief that work is about working and immediately going home afterwards. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that maybe this wasn’t a logical debate we were having; instead, it was about his own inner psychology of fear and insecurity of talking to others and getting excluded that was holding him back and which he was covering up with mediocre excuses.
But maybe not. Perhaps, I was just projecting my own knowledge of psychology and experiences onto him.
He also complained about how he couldn’t relate to men and make friends because he didn’t follow sports. I enthusiastically chimed in about how I had just learned the solution to problem from the blog of Dr. Robert Glover, the best-selling author of No More Mr. Nice Guy.
I told him how I had similar problems and how Dr. Glover explained how many Nice Guys end up without masculine hobbies, like following sports because of a lack of male role models growing up. Dr. Glover explained that you shouldn’t see it as a reason to shy away from other men, but a chance to learn about a sport as a beginner. Men love teaching others about their hobbies.
I had tried this out myself recently by asking to learn more about American football to...