180: How to get your children to stop fighting

  If there’s one topic that never fails to rile parents up, it’s sibling fighting. Why does it affect us so much?  (There are two main reasons.) Why is this happening, and what can we do about it?  There are two main reasons, and one strategy to use with each reason. That’s it! There are not an infinite number of reasons why this is happening, or an infinite number of things to try to get it to stop. This episode will help you to identify the cause of the fighting, and how to make it stop. Sound too good to be true?  It isn’t.  Check out what parents have said about the workshop and sign up:   Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go way beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop.   Click the banner to learn more.       Jump to highlights: 02:07 Challenges of having multiple children 03:39 How parents' reactions to their children's fighting can be influenced by their own past experiences with their siblings. 07:00 The need to make pause before reacting to a child’s behavior 07:52 Understanding the causes of siblings fight 08:34 A fictitious story about a sibling fight to show two possible scenarios that may result from two opposing reactions from a parent 10:40 Scenario 1: Parent explodes and blames one child as aggressor during sibling fight 12:10Scenario 2: Parent makes a pause, remains calm, does not blame anyone 15:00 Importance of having an empathetic discussion with your children 20:45 The struggles of Adrianna and Tim began when a new child was added to the family. 24:46 How Parenting Membership help Adrianna and Tim 25:54 Adrianna shares how bodhi shows his empathy towards her sister 27:35 How adding a sibling rocks an older child’s world 28:42 What are some ways to support our older child in managing challenging emotions so that they continue to feel valued and loved by us. 31:24 Sibling fight as a child’s unskillful strategy to getting their needs met 33:55 Figuring out the commonly unmet needs of our children 35:05 The answer to a child’s unmet needs:  Spend 1:1 time with them 36:25 The importance of letting the child direct your ‘special time’ 37:48 Why parents shouldn’t treat all their children in the same way 39:16 Adrianna’s reflections

Om Podcasten

Parenting is hard…but does it have to be this hard? Wouldn’t it be better if your kids would stop pressing your buttons quite as often, and if there was a little more of you to go around (with maybe even some left over for yourself)? On the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, Jen Lumanlan M.S., M.Ed explores academic research on parenting and child development. But she doesn’t just tell you the results of the latest study - she interviews researchers at the top of their fields, and puts current information in the context of the decades of work that have come before it. An average episode reviews ~30 peer-reviewed sources, and analyzes how the research fits into our culture and values - she does all the work, so you don’t have to! Jen is the author of Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World (Sasquatch/Penguin Random House). The podcast draws on the ideas from the book to give you practical, realistic strategies to get beyond today’s whack-a-mole of issues. Your Parenting Mojo also offers workshops and memberships to give you more support in implementing the ideas you hear on the show. The single idea that underlies all of the episodes is that our behavior is our best attempt to meet our needs. Your Parenting Mojo will help you to see through the confusing messages your child’s behavior is sending so you can parent with confidence: You’ll go from: “I don’t want to yell at you!” to “I’ve got a plan.” New episodes are released every other week - there's content for parents who have a baby on the way through kids of middle school age. Start listening now by exploring the rich library of episodes on meltdowns, sibling conflicts, parental burnout, screen time, eating vegetables, communication with your child - and your partner… and much much more!