201: How to create a culture of consent in our families
When Carys was about three, I forced a dropper of antibiotics into her mouth to just get her to take it, so she would start to feel better. We were both tired and hangry and I didn't see another path forward, when she was refusing something that I knew would help her. What other choice did I have? My husband did see another path when he arrived home later that evening, and before she went to bed she willingly took a full dose of the medicine. These kinds of situations come up often in parenting: where we're trying to get our child to do something, perhaps even for their own health and safety, and they refuse. It can seem like the only path forward is to force them against their will - after all, we are doing this for their own good, right? But what if there was another way to make these things happen that met your child's needs for autonomy over their own bodies, and also met your needs for peace and ease and harmony and protection of their health and safety? That's what we'll work through in today's episode. We'll look closely at the way consent is perceived in our culture, and how these messages are transmitted - in school, in peer groups, in movies and songs, and in our families. I'm also introducing a new element into podcast episodes to help you put the ideas in the episode into practice. At the end of the episode I offer three suggestions for things you could try in your relationship with your own child - organized into mild, medium, and spicy options so you can step in at the level that feels right to you. Trigger warning: I do discuss sexual assault in this episode. It might not be one you listen to with your children around, and if you have experienced sexual assault, please make sure you're well resourced if you do choose to listen.