215: Why will no-one play with me?

Discover insights on why no one will play with your child and explore effective strategies for building social skills in childrenDoes your child have big emotional blow-ups in social situations? Are they a wallflower who doesn't know how to make friends? Do they struggle to understand when it's appropriate to interrupt, tell the truth, and follow the rules vs. let things go. I've been interested in neurodivergence for a while - I'm hoping to do an episode soon on parenting with ADHD, and in the course of research for that a parent in the Parenting Membership recommended the book Why Will No-One Play With Me. The book is designed to help parents teach their children social skills - and I do think it has some useful ideas in it, but there are some pretty big caveats. This episode takes a look at the broader set of research on teaching children social skills to ask whether we CAN do it and if we can, whether we SHOULD do it and if we should, what kinds of tools should we use? The popular Social Stories method? Role plays? Peer coaching? This episode answers questions like:What types of teaching are likely to be beneficial?How can we teach social skills to Autistic children and children with ADHD, as well as neurotypical children?What are the potential later-life impacts of lagging social skills (and do what we miss when we look at it from this perspective)?At what age range is teaching social skills is most likely to succeed?How can we know whether we should teach a child social skills? Other episodes mentioned175: I’ll be me; can you be you?075: Should we Go Ahead and Heap Rewards On Our Kid?061: Can Growth Mindset live up to the hype? Jump to Highlights00:52 Introducing the topic for this episode02:59 Social skills programs show small, temporary effects and are more effective when led by experts, with mixed results for neurodivergent children.09:38 Programs to teach social skills often try to change how neurodivergent kids act and they don't always work well.24:01 Dr. Carol Gray's Social Stories ™ help children, especially those with autism, understand social situations without directly aiming to change their behavior.28:59 Terra Vance's adaptations of Social Stories ™ highlight how they sometimes fail to address children's real experiences and emotions.33:28 Research on parent-led interventions for children with ADHD and autism vary in effectiveness.43:24 The book "Why Will No One Play With Me" doesn't provide specific references to support its ideas, making it unclear if they're based on research or opinion.46:30 Teaching social skills includes managing emotions, understanding social norms, and practicing simulations for better responses.50:49 The "Play Better Bridge to Betterment" model in Why Will No One Play With Me categorizes children's readiness for change into stages: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. It emphasizes that children may need support to recognize and modify behaviors.53:10 Caroline Maguire's approach in "Why Will No One Play With Me" mirrors problem-solving methods, yet it prioritizes a reward system over understanding children's underlying needs.55:02 Maguire's method in "Why Will No One Play With Me" uses rewards to shape children's behavior, raising concerns about parental control and consent in interactions with their...

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Parenting is hard…but does it have to be this hard? Wouldn’t it be better if your kids would stop pressing your buttons quite as often, and if there was a little more of you to go around (with maybe even some left over for yourself)? On the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, Jen Lumanlan M.S., M.Ed explores academic research on parenting and child development. But she doesn’t just tell you the results of the latest study - she interviews researchers at the top of their fields, and puts current information in the context of the decades of work that have come before it. An average episode reviews ~30 peer-reviewed sources, and analyzes how the research fits into our culture and values - she does all the work, so you don’t have to! Jen is the author of Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World (Sasquatch/Penguin Random House). The podcast draws on the ideas from the book to give you practical, realistic strategies to get beyond today’s whack-a-mole of issues. Your Parenting Mojo also offers workshops and memberships to give you more support in implementing the ideas you hear on the show. The single idea that underlies all of the episodes is that our behavior is our best attempt to meet our needs. Your Parenting Mojo will help you to see through the confusing messages your child’s behavior is sending so you can parent with confidence: You’ll go from: “I don’t want to yell at you!” to “I’ve got a plan.” New episodes are released every other week - there's content for parents who have a baby on the way through kids of middle school age. Start listening now by exploring the rich library of episodes on meltdowns, sibling conflicts, parental burnout, screen time, eating vegetables, communication with your child - and your partner… and much much more!